Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

The Musician and I have just returned from a whirlwind trip to Colorado, which included among many things, hiking, eating, seeing family and…. celebrating our first year together. He and I chatted about the things that we loved most about marriage and I thought I’d share them with you.

1. We love waking up to somebody. (Mostly, sometimes I am in a bad mood!)

2. We love cooking dinner for each other. I especially love that I can try out new recipes or make up my own and always find a willing taster!!! Also, I especially love that HE DOES THE DISHES!!!!

3. We love that we have companionship and pray together regularly. Example, with our recent decision to go to China, we had to really think and pray through the cost benefits of going.

4. We love that we get to know each other more and more each day. I love finding those things that I say, “I didn’t know that about you!” To demonstrate, I didn’t know that the Musician hijacked the stage at a quartet camp when he was 17 to play Metalica on strings with his quartet! Right before the major guest artists!!! I bet he got into so much trouble!!!! I am still laughing at the image of my 17-year old husband (he had hair back then) stubbornly playing Metalica for a large audience of classical music snobs!!!!

5. Two for One. We really love to be there for each other. We have committed to one another through thick and thin, and praise God for companionship and shared vision, hope and life!

Of course, marriage is not always peaches and cream…. so I’d also like to share a few bits of advice we learned the hard way. Thankfully this year has gone really really well, minus some financial difficulties and setbacks that were temporary and stressful, we have really thrived with each other!

1. Don’t take it personally. So, I lived with roomates before marriage, I thought I was prepared to share space with someone I really really loved (even though I did love my rommies!). I was not prepared for the one fact that did not affect my shared roomie experience: taking it personally. If, for example, a toothpaste tube fell from a cabinet at 6:30 AM right on top of my head and I lived with roomates, I would be slightly annoyed, but I would put the tube back and laugh it off. However, when we had been married only 3 weeks, this exact situation played itself out, I began furiously accusing the Musician for booby trapping the cabinet and maliciously attempting to throw the toothpaste on me…. hmmmmm. That’s all I’ll say for now!!!!

2. Save it. When things are really stressful and you can tell that mentioning the topic will cause your partner to explode, I highly recommend saving it, storing it, and rephrasing it for another time. Amazingly, our brains have the capacity to figure out less painful ways of sharing that: the bank account is empty and you lost your job, you crashed the scooter, the refrigerator is not working and all of the food that you bought yesterday has been rotting in it for 12 hours… (these may or may not reflect actual and true events).

3. Take it for the team. The Musician and I have this annoying tendency to clean, but to leave each others laundry, toiletries, papers… dishes (!), side of the bed (!), uncleaned. We’re married, it’s OUR stuff. We should clean it together and if your hubby leaves his gross “lucky” boxers on the floor and you are cleaning up the room, don’t throw them as hard as you can at him, or nicely arrange them on his pillow, just put them where they belong… (and not in the trash can even if you think that’s where they should go!)

4. R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!! A little goes a long way. Assume that you are out for the others good. Honor the process of becoming who they want to be. This is really important in transition times (school, training, job search, etc!)

5. Assuming love. We noticed a profound difference when I began each day with the affirmation and assumption that the Musician actually loved me and was actually not attempting to sabotage my life. (It helps that he actually does love me! I don’t think you can take this advice if the guy is actually a creepo). I was more willing to let things go, not take it personally, and respond with love and affection.

Do you have marriage advice from your own experience (married or single!)? Would you like to share it! Write it in! I’d love to hear about it!


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